I was reminded lately of an article I read years ago entitled “The Friendless American Male” by David W. Smith.

He makes some good points about the differences between the American ideas of masculinity and that of other countries. European men, for example, are often much more affectionate. I learned this as I travelled Israel a few years ago. He goes on to critique how we in North America do friendships. We identify with the stoic, unemotional, taciturn (inclined to silence, reluctant to join conversation, silent in expression and manner) approach, which he says create a lot of pain and heartache, not only for families but also for men themselves. He goes on to say that even though they may not know what they're missing, their heart does.

But according to some recent studies done in Britain, we are seeing a shift in how men view friendship. Or their need for friendship. I think this trend reflects the very heart of God.

Look at the recent Hollywood Blockbuster Sherlock Holmes. Sherlock and his trusty sidekick Watson. The term for this kind of friendship is a Bromance. Defined as a caring, sharing, let it all out relationship with another man. Now relax and take a deep breath, these friendships are non sexual.

So according to a recent study, these kinds of male friendships are on the rise. I have seen a similar trend here in Canada. Recent research finds that 28% of single men have a close, platonic same-sex friendship like this, but just 10% of married men do (yes I am concerned with the 90%).

Maybe men are beginning to realize that we can’t do life alone. We’re not islands unto ourselves.

I am excited to see this trend growing, but I am still concerned with the 90% of married men alone in the world. I know how difficult it is to pursue these kinds of friendships. In fact, the older I get the easier it is for me to isolate. Not pursue male friendship. I mean, who has the time? But we have to make time. I don't know what is contributing to the fact that so many men do not have a close male friend, but maybe the psychologist Thomas Joiner in his book "Lonely at the Top" is on to something when he says that "that manly pursuits of power, status and money bring rewards but at the cost of intimate friendships." 

But we were never created to walk this journey alone. We need others to help us shoulder the load. I'm not saying that we do relationships the same way women do. Fact is we don't. Most men connect with other men around a similar hobby or activity. Doing something together creates an atmosphere of trust, where burdens can be shared. 

So who's your Watson? Sherlock couldn't go it alone and neither can you. My encouragement to men is do take the initiative. Pray about who might God want you to "go after" and begin to take the appropriate steps. Make the call. Go for a ride. A hike. Whatever. Just don't go it alone.