Learning to love God and people well requires a leaving. 

God called Abraham in Genesis 12 and asked him to “leave your country, your family, your culture and go to the land I will show you.”

In the same way we are all called to leave our pasts, our families in a sense, our cultures; that is the negative broken unhealthy things tied to our families and cultures. We love our families and honour our families and cultures in healthy appropriate ways, but in order to do life God’s way as children of God (part of God's Kingdom), we have to leave what is unhealthy for what is healthy and life giving.

The picture is that we let go of what is broken for something good. God doesn't leave us empty handed; there is a life of joy awaiting on the other side as we do the leaving.

Here are a new set of skills that we can begin to talk to God about, asking Him to one by one, make us into the people who honestly and authentically live these things out.

But just like anything, it takes time to develop new skills. It takes practice. Discipline. Remember, God's grace is in great supply for when we fail. 

* I am deeply convinced that I am loved by Christ, and as a result, I don't inappropriately borrow that love from others.

* I love my neighbour as I love myself - embracing my singleness as I bond with others, or in marriage, giving first priority to my spouse or children.

* I am able to detach from my family of origin and function as an inner-directed, separate adult.

* I am deeply in tune with my own emotions and feelings.

* I am able to listen with empathy without having to fix, change or save others.

* I can speak clearly, honestly, and respectfully on my own behalf.

* I can express anger, hurt, or fear without blaming, appeasing, or holding grudges.

* Through self-respect and self care, I value my own dignity as a human being made in God's image.

* I walk in community while respecting each person's uniqueness.

* I can receive criticism without defensiveness.

* I can state my own beliefs and values without becoming adversarial.

* I live in truth, not pretense, spin, illusions, or exaggerations.

* I embrace my limits as a gift.

* I am able to negotiate, respect, and celebrate the differences I have with others.

* I am willing to initiate and repair relationships (as much as possible) when they have ruptured.

(Taken from Emotionally Healthy Skills 2.0 Workbook p. 99)