So how do we pursue spiritual intimacy with our spouse?

Before I share anything from my marriage let me say that this is not to be taken as a model. Kenda and I are on a journey just like you are, and have much to learn and grow into in years to come. By God's grace.

One thing I love about the Christian Journey is that we can look at it like an experiment. We can try things; see what works - what fits our unique personalities and schedules. God gives us freedom to fail, because for most of us we learn the most through failure, not success. So give yourself the freedom to fail.

So here are a few practices you might begin to incorporate in your marriage.

1) Spiritual Conversations Around the Scriptures.

When we talk about the things we are passionate about; things we know a lot about, we can come across like the professinal. And as a result the conversation is not reciprocated. It can easily become all about the professional downloading information into the other person. As a result it's not much of a conversation. 

The same thing shouldn't happen when we discuss the Scriptures, because really, none of us have it all figured out, no matter how well we might know the original languages or think we have a grasp on the biblical context. Really, like everything else in life, including the knowledge of the scriptures, we are all on level ground. Our stance needs to therefore be one of humility and teachability.

Remember, this is a discussion on what God is saying through His Word. It's not a matter of how much we know, it's a matter of how much He knows! Remember when you are sharing, don't take on the role as the teacher. There is really only one Rabbi in this conversation.

Practically speaking, one thing that you might try os reading the same text every day, so when you share with one another, you will have already read the same text. You will likely have something to contribute in the conversation.

Right now Kenda is reading the Hebrew Translation of the OLd and New Testaments, and she is often sharing with me what she is learning, or some fresh nuance of the translation. I am being enriched through these spontaneous conversations.

One thing as well, is that our kids see and observe us talking and sharing together. It is often said things are more caught than taught. I don't think we can underestimate the impact this has on our kids.

2) Seek Wisdom from Others

One thing many of you do is listen to podcasts together. 

For those of us with kids, you will likely have to listen to these on your own time, and then talk about it later. To try to do this while your kids are there might not work. 

I have heard about a couple who on their holidays wake up early and listen to a podcast together, then talk about it together. Great idea, but to do this with kids is likely unreasonable. Family vacations with kids is often quaite chaotic and random. So make sure your expectations are realistic and considerate of others.

Some ideas might be to tackle a series like a Manhood Series, or a Marriage Series together. Or a teaching through a whole book.

3) Ministry Involvement

We have just taught through the early part of Genesis where men and woman are called to rule and subdue; called to plant and reap, and take care of the garden together. Alongside one another. 

This provides a beautiful metaphor for ministry together. Of course we are gifted differently, and that needs to be celebrated. As we live out our unique gifts and spiritual SHAPE (Spiritual Gifts, Heart, Abilities, Personality, Life Experience) we can be challenged and encouraged in our own walk. As I watch Kenda use her gifts, and see God use her, I am blessed. Often I am drawn to her; I feel closer to her, and visa versa.

As well, some of my insecurities might surface when I hear her speak, share a wise word, counsel someone. Some of my issues might come to the surface too, which isn't a bad thing. This too is a gift, if I can learn from it.

So dive into a ministry together, and see what happens!

4) Parenting

The biblical vision for marriage is to raise Godly Kids. Be good stewards of the gifts that God has given to us. 

In and through parenting there are a lot of opportunities for spiritual conversations; all in front of our kids.

And as Sundar Krishnan says, these are not often "upper level" conversations. So keep the cookies within reach of your kids to reach.

As well, what might provide opportunity for having these conversation sis when we are called to simply apologize; say I'm sorry and ask for forgiveness from our kids and spouse. These can provide rish spiritual conversations.

Remember, vulnerability and weakness is the pathway to growth. Be honest about your stuff with your kids. Do pretend like you're the know-it-all all the time. Let down your guard when appropriate.

5) Bring God into the Conversation

Some of us want to pray for our kids. We want to. But often find it hard to make time to do this together.

I have heard of couples who wake up together every morning, have a tea and pray together for an hour. That might work for some, but with a house full of kids getting ready for school, this isn't something that has worked for us.

We have also tried to be consistent in praying for our kids at night, but I have to say this hasn't worked out that well either. We do it occasionally, but it's not consistent. If it works for you great! If not, don't sweat it. Find something that works for you. 

Something that works for us is popcorn prayers. As situations arise, pray for it right away. This morning one of our kids was going to school and would likely face some real struggle as it concerned her peers, so Kenda and I came around her, had a little huddle in the kitchen and prayed a 2-3 minute prayer for her. Kenda leads us in these times often.

So look for what works for you, and rather than seek out huge time blocks to pray, try the popcorn praying. It's really all about bring God Into the Conversation.

6) Family Quiet Time

This isn't something that has worked all that well for us, until lately. In fact, what we are trying to do right now is on Saturday morning I make a big breakfast, and then after we read Acts together, and then talk about it, then pray. remember, keep the teaching times and prayers short. And give everyone a chance to grow into reading on their own, and praying...when they're ready.

But more than just add this to one "compartment" in your family life, we believe it is more vital to actually bring God and His Word into all of life; throughout the day, after a movie. These circumstances in life provide lots of natural opportunities to talk together and pray.

These situations might look like:

Praying with kids at night before bed.

Pray blessings over your kids from time to time, especially if they are about to face a challenging situation at school or on the field.

When your kids or spouse express fear around a situation, pray for them right way.

Sure there can be times when your "quiet time" might be larger blocks of time, but don't miss the natural spontaneous opportunities that avail themselves throughout the day.

I know many of you have been on this journey way longer than we have, and likely have so much more you can add to the conversation. So pleasedo, talk about your own journey with one another in your Simple Church. As we share with each other, we spur one another on in love.

Shalom.